Kirk Mahoney . com

My wife and I saw this yesterday while exiting a parking facility.

Problem:
The significance of the caution sign was unclear.

Explanation:
The sign was a landscape-oriented sign above the exit from an underground parking structure, and (quote) “CAUTION Large Trucks” (unquote) — with absolutely no punctuation — appeared in a single line on the sign.

My wife and I had just left a department store, and we were waiting in a queue of automobiles that were exiting the parking structure.

The sign appeared above an opening through which we had to pass and then make a sharp right turn (no left turns allowed) so as to travel up a one-way ramp that let cars enter a street.

The ramp began to the left of the opening.

What therefore became unclear was what the sign maker intended to say.

A possible but unlikely meaning was (quote) “Please caution the drivers of large trucks.” (unquote), but I could not tell you why I as a reader of the sign should caution the drivers of large trucks.

Here are two possible, rational meanings:

1. (Quote) “Take caution! Large trucks are approaching from your left as you focus on turning right onto this one-way ramp that leads up to the street.” (unquote)
2. (Quote) “If you are driving a large truck, then take caution while turning to your right so as to avoid scraping the walls surrounding this exit ramp that leads up to the street.” (unquote)

If I were to rewrite the first rational meaning in as few words as I could, then I would write (quote) “CAUTION: Large Trucks Approaching from Left!” (unquote).

If I were to rewrite the second rational meaning in as few words as I could, then I would write (quote) “CAUTION: Turn Large Trucks Carefully!” (unquote).

Notice that both rewritten forms had to include additional words but also had to include punctuation, which the original sign lacked.

In other words, brevity taken to the extreme can lead to confusion.

Solution:
Use punctuation on a sign such as this one to ensure that readers know what they are supposed to do.

I swear that I am not making this up.

I saw an online advertisement yesterday for a physical-exercise program that is supposed to give the user six-pack abs (abdominal muscles).

Near the top of the ad is a photo of the author of the program.

The author’s dog appears in the photo, too.

Now, here is the funny part. The caption beneath the photo was (quote) “Craig Ballantyne, and his dog Bally, with 6-pack abs sculpted by Turbulence Training” (unquote).

If the advertising copywriter had left out the comma after the dog’s name, then the reader definitely could conclude that the pictured dog is the one whose name is Bally AND that has 6-pack abs — versus any other dog named “Bally” that Mr. Ballantyne might have.

The presence of the comma after the dog’s name in the photo caption essentially turns “with 6-pack abs …” into an aside.

What we cannot say for certain — at least not from the photo caption alone — is who has the six-pack abs.

In other words, we cannot say for certain whether the aside was intended for the man or for the dog.

Given the proximity of “with 6-pack abs …” to the dog’s name, it certainly seems that the advertising copywriter is claiming that the dog is the one with the six-pack abs.

To clearly indicate that Mr. Ballantyne has 6-pack abs, I would rewrite the caption as (quote) “Craig Ballantyne with 6-pack abs sculpted by Turbulence Training, accompanied by his dog Bally” (unquote).

Or I would leave any mention of the dog out of the caption.

I saw this at the beginning of a television program a few days ago.

Problem:
A comma is missing.

Explanation:
The TV program on truTV was titled “World’s Wildest Police Videos”.

The complete warning appeared in all-capital letters at the beginning of the program: (quote) “DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS PROGRAM VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.” (unquote).

A line break appeared after the word “NATURE”, and another line break appeared after the word “VIEWER”, so the warning was formatted as follows:

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE
OF THIS PROGRAM VIEWER
DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

My first reaction to this warning was, “What is a PROGRAM VIEWER?”

Some sign and warning writers mistakenly claim that they can insert line breaks where commas should occur and therefore that a comma is unnecessary with these implied-comma line breaks.

If the warning writer for “World’s Wildest Police Videos” had followed that rule, then he or she would have created a warning that would have been formatted with a line break between “PROGRAM” and “VIEWER”:

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE
OF THIS PROGRAM
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

But whoever entered the text for the warning screen could not even claim that he or she was using an implied comma between the word “PROGRAM” and the word “VIEWER”.

I believe that the warning writer was unaware of a basic principle about commas, which is that they indicate pauses. I otherwise could not explain how the writer could have read the warning aloud and not noticed that a comma was missing after the word “PROGRAM”.

Solution:
“Due to the graphic nature of this program, viewer …”

I saw this on a website.

Problem:
The Taliban were not held in captivity for three months.

Explanation:
The full sentence was (quote) “After being held in captivity for three months, the Taliban execute a local official when their demands are not met.” (unquote).

The sentence appeared at a website that tracks Islamic terror attacks.

This sentence documented an attack — by the Taliban, not ON the Taliban — that was purported to have occurred in Kunar, Afghanistan, on 22 November 2008.

The problem with the sentence is that (quote) “the Taliban” (unquote) immediately follows the comma-terminated (quote) “After being held in captivity for three months” (unquote) and therefore implies to the reader that the Taliban were held in captivity for three months.

I usually appreciate the use of active voice instead of passive voice, but this sentence calls for passive voice after the comma.

In other words, the correct way to leave the “After” clause in place is to say immediately after the comma WHO was executed.

Solution:
“… held in captivity for three months, a local official was executed …”

I saw this in a comment below a blog post.

Problem:
A comma is missing.

Explanation:
The comment appeared almost immediately below the bottom of a blog post about how Blackberry can beat iPhone.

The commenter wrote (quote) “The only known true competition to the iPhone (yes thats right, the G1 is NOT even close people) is the BB Storm.” (unquote).

Ignore the other problems, and focus on the end of the parenthetical remark.

The comment writer was telling his readers that the T-Mobile G1 cellphone should not be compared to the AT&T iPhone because the G1 is (quote) “NOT even close” (unquote) to the iPhone in terms of features.

The writer was referring to his readers as (quote) “people” (unquote).

If you say the parenthetical remark aloud in the spirit of what the writer intended, then you will notice that you pause between the word “close” and the word “people”.

This pause should be represented by a comma, which gives us the solution.

In contrast, if you speak the parenthetical remark exactly as it was written, then the sense of the remark becomes twisted to mean that (quote) “close people” (unquote) are not the G1 cellphone, which makes no sense.

I believe that this type of omission of a comma is consistent with my “Devolution toward Simpler” linguistic hypothesis. It is simpler to omit a comma than to write or type one.

Solution:
“(… the G1 is NOT even close, people)”

I learned yesterday that I have incorrectly begun sentences for years with “And” or “But” — but not in the way that some readers might expect.

Question:
Should a comma follow a coordinating conjunction that begins a sentence?

Explanation:
The coordinating conjunctions in English are “for”, “and”, “nor”, “but”, “or”, “yet”, and “so”, a mnemonic for which is FANBOYS.

Some teachers instruct their students that a coordinating conjunction should never begin a sentence, but this is incorrect instruction.

In contrast, I was (incorrectly) taught relatively early that a comma should immediately follow one of these coordinating conjunctions when the conjunction begins a sentence.

For example, I was taught that the comma belongs after “And” in (quote) “And, he was happy with the results.” (unquote).

Similarly, I was taught that the comma belongs after “So” in (quote) “So, you should see a doctor immediately.” (unquote).

As a result, for years I have put commas immediately after the coordinating conjunctions that began my sentences.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I read on several websites yesterday that a comma should not be put immediately after a sentence-opening coordinating conjunction unless that conjunction is followed by an interrupter in a sentence such as (quote) “But, given the circumstances, you should not travel tomorrow.” (unquote).

Here are some of those websites:

• Capital Community College Foundation;
• Get It Write;
• Grammar Bytes.

I do not know why I was taught to put a comma after a coordinating conjunction that begins any sentence.

But my guess is that it could be due to hypercorrection on the part of my teacher(s), as if to say (quote) “We should not begin a sentence with a coordinating conjunction. However, if we do, then we should follow the coordinating conjunction with a comma, just as we put a comma after a conjunctive adverb — such as “However” — at the beginning of a sentence.”

Having learned this lesson, which I should have learned a long time ago, I searched all of my old blog posts for the error of putting a comma immediately after a coordinating conjunction at the start of an interrupter-less sentence.

“So” was the coordinating conjunction with which I made this error the most often. (Learning truly never ends!)

I believe that I corrected most of my errors, but it certainly is possible that some remain. If you find one, then please contact me.

Answer:
If an interrupter immediately follows the coordinating conjunction at the beginning of a sentence, then put a comma after the conjunction. Otherwise, do not put a comma after the (FANBOYS) conjunction.

As I write this, the Dow-Jones Industrial Average has dropped from a record high one year ago to a five-year low.

Insanity is often defined as expecting your personal situation to improve while you continue to do what you always have done.

Protecting your working life from a worsening economy requires standing out — in a good way — from the crowd.

I believe that communicating better makes this possible.

Here are ten tips to keep working in a worsening economy, all with a focus on communicating better — doing something different, so that you’ll get different results.

Tip 1. Watch your spelling.

Here are some of the misspellings that I have documented in this blog:

• misspelling “extraordinary” as E-X-T-R-A-HYPHEN-O-R-D-I-N-A-R-Y
• misspelling “pronunciation” as P-R-O-N-O-U-N-C-I-A-T-I-O-N
• misspelling “likelihood” as L-I-K-E-L-Y-SPACE-H-O-O-D
• misspelling “accessible” as A-C-C-E-S-S-A-B-L-E
• misspelling “supersede” as S-U-P-E-R-C-E-D-E

You can throw off half your audience and embarrass yourself by misspelling a word in the title of one of your PowerPoint slides, in an important email message to your boss or customer, or on the front page of a white paper that you have written.

If you know that you are not a good speller, then take action, starting today, to change this.

Tip 2. Watch your punctuation.

Here are some of the punctuation problems that I have discussed in my blog:

• misusing apostrophes
• misusing commas
• misusing hyphens

You can improve your punctuation skills. Start today by buying a good book or two about punctuation.

Tip 3. Watch your words.

Picking the wrong word is another way to look bad in front of your fellow employees, your boss, or your customer or prospect.

Here are some pairs of words that give people trouble:

• affect vs. effect;
• bring vs. carry;
• come vs. go
• lie vs. lay;
• nauseous vs. nauseated.

Some might argue that many Americans do not know the difference in each of the above word pairs, so you should not worry about knowing the differences.

I disagree. Knowing the differences in these and other commonly confused word pairs can set you apart from the crowd with someone who cares — someone who can give you a raise, someone who can recommend you for a promotion, or someone who can give you new or more business.

Tip 4. Watch your grammar.

While text messaging and instant messaging have encouraged people to write in sentence fragments, not knowing how to write complete, grammatically correct sentences in other written forms — email messages, white papers, etc. — can hurt your reputation with the people who have the most influence over your finances.

Here are some common mistakes with grammar:

• putting a preposition where it does not belong, such as in (quote) “on today” (unquote);
• using “I” where “me” is required, as in (quote) “for my colleagues and I” (unquote);
• using the wrong form of a verb, as in (quote) “Can Hillary be beat?” (unquote).

I could list many other types of mistakes with grammar, but you get the point.

If you have a basic discomfort with your grammar skills, then read some books about English grammar.

If you are generally confident about these skills but wonder on occasion whether something is correct, then research your question — here or elsewhere online. That nagging feeling is usually there for a good reason; pay attention to it!

Tip 5. Watch your slang.

Although slang can be fun to use, and although the origins of various slang expressions can be fascinating, using slang in your work life can hobble your career.

Here are some types of slang:

• regional slang, as in (quote) “y’all” (unquote) or (quote) “you guys” (unquote) in place of “you”;
• ethnic slang, as in (quote) “Where you at?” (unquote) or (quote) “Git ‘er done.” (unquote);
• corporate slang, as in (quote) “open architecture” (unquote) or (quote) “on the bubble” (unquote).

Now, you might know what all of the above examples mean, but this does not guarantee that your boss, your fellow employees, or your customers do, too.

A problem with regional slang is that people will use it against you by taking a “You are not from around here.” attitude.

A problem with ethnic slang is that people will use it against you by taking a “You are not one of us.” attitude.

And a problem with corporate slang is that it can seem intelligent when first read or heard but will later cause the reader or listener to wonder what you meant.

Tips 6-10.

I must postpone these for my next post.

Please think about these first five tips, take a break, and then return tomorrow for the remaining tips!

I saw a sentence that started like this in an email message yesterday.

Problem:
A comma is missing.

Explanation:
The name “John Smith” is essentially an aside in the sentence.

In other words, the sentence could also have been written to begin as (quote) “The new manager is …” (unquote).

Therefore, inserting “John Smith” in the sentence requires a comma on either side.

Solution:
“The new manager, John Smith, is …”

I saw this today.

Problem:
A comma is missing.

Explanation:
Expressions of happy-birthday wishes are usually abbreviations of a longer sentence along the lines of (quote) “Have a happy birthday, Kirk!” (unquote), with a comma immediately after the word “birthday” to indicate the pause in speech.

Even though the imperative sentence is abbreviated to drop the (quote) “Have a” (unquote) part of the sentence, the comma should persist.

And, even if one does not appreciate the abbreviation, it should still be clear that a comma is required because of the pause between (quote) “Happy birthday” (unquote) and the person’s name.

Solution:
“Happy birthday, Kirk!”

My wife got the comma-less form of the question in an email message the other day.

Problem:
Inclusion or exclusion of the comma affects the meaning of the question.

Explanation:
A comma in a sentence indicates a pause, so it can change the way that someone reads a sentence and therefore the meaning of the sentence.

My wife got the question as (quote) “How are you my sister?” (unquote), which effectively asked my wife how she could be the message writer’s sister.

However, given that the message writer is not my wife’s sister and knows that she is not my wife’s sister, what she should have written was (quote) “How are you, my sister?” (unquote).

This form with the comma would have

• let the message writer ask my wife how she was doing,
• used a comma to indicate a pause, and
• included “my sister” as a term of adoration or nearness.

Solution:
Include the comma to address someone as your sister and to ask her how she is doing. Exclude the comma to ask someone how she can be your sister.