Kirk Mahoney . com

I have lost track of how many times I have heard this.

Problem:
The gender of the noun does not match the gender of the pronoun.

Explanation:
The noun “bimbo” comes from Italian and refers in Italian to a male child, male infant, or male baby.

As Dictionary.com explains, one of the definitions of “bimbo” in American English is (quote) “an attractive but stupid young woman, esp. one with loose morals.” (unquote).

I do not know how a masculine Italian noun became a feminine English noun that is disparaging and offensive but makes no comment on the target’s sexuality.

But, ever since I learned enough Italian to appreciate the gender pattern in masculine and feminine Italian nouns, whether singular or plural, I have been bothered by how ignorant (quote) “She is a bimbo.” (unquote) sounds.

The feminine form of “bimbo” is “bimba”, which gives us the solution.

Solution:
“She is a bimba.”

I realized recently that I did not know well how to express different types of numbers in Italian.

I started thinking about examples in English and realized that there are several types of numbers and number-related words.

It became a game to list examples of these different types in English.

The game became more interesting when I determined that there was very little coverage about this topic on the Web.

For example, Wikipedia has an article about the names of numbers in English, but this article does not cover every type of number and number-related word that I could identify.

Because my list kept growing, I decided to wait a bit before trying to create the same list for Italian.

Here is my list for English:

• One, two, three, … :
  • Name: These are called “cardinal numbers”, or “cardinals” for short.
  • Use: Cardinal numbers are for counting things. Two sets of objects (e.g., automobiles and flowers) have the same “cardinality” if the two sets have the same number of objects.
  • Form: These words can act as nouns or adjectives.
• First, second, third, … :
  • Name: These are called “ordinal numbers”, or “ordinals” for short.
  • Use: Ordinal numbers are for ordering things (that is, placing things in a certain order).
  • Form: These words can act as nouns, adjectives, or adverbs. The word “second” can also act as a verb.
• Once, twice, thrice, … :
  • Name: I do not know the name for this type of number-related word.
  • Use: These words are for referring to the number of times, occasions, or instances or for referring to an n-fold quantity or degree.
  • Form: These words act only as adverbs.
• Single, double, triple, … :
  • Name: I do not know the name for this type of number-related word.
  • Use: These words are for referring to the number of parts, kinds, or degrees or for referring to a group, set, or series.
  • Form: These words can act as nouns, adjectives, or verbs.
• Twin, triplet, quadruplet, … :
  • Name: As with “one”, “two”, “three”, etc., these words also are defined as “cardinal numbers”.
  • Use: These words can be used to refer to items as a collection. These words can also be used to refer to any item in such a collection.
  • Form: These words act as nouns. The word “twin” can also act as an adjective or a verb.
• Singular, plural, trial … :
  • Name: These are called “grammatical number” in linguistics.
  • Use: Among their many uses, these words are for expressing count distinctions in grammar.
  • Form: These words can act as adjectives or nouns.

I am sure that I missed some number-related words, but that is part of the fun of this exercise!

I saw this in a television advertisement two days ago.

Problem:
“Pair” is a singular noun being used incorrectly as a plural noun.

Explanation:
The TV ad was from EyeMasters, which was promoting the fact that a customer could buy two complete sets of eyeglasses for $99.

A set of eyeglasses — one for each eye — is called a pair of eyeglasses.

Multiple sets of glasses is the same as multiple pairs of eyeglasses.

I believe that the misuse of “pair” as a substitute for “pairs” is consistent with my “Devolution toward Simpler” linguistic hypothesis. It is simpler to say “pair” than to say “pairs”.

For fun, I searched Google for each of the following phrases (with the quotation marks) and got about the indicated numbers of matches:

• “two pairs” — 3,230,000 matches
• “two pair” — 1,080,000 matches

This tells me that Web authors favor “two pairs” over “two pair” by a pitiful ratio of 2.99:1.

Solution:
“2 Complete Pairs for $99″

I often hear sentences (mis)constructed in this way.

Problem:
There is a singular/plural mismatch.

Explanation:
The phrase “a lot of cats” is singular, even though “cats” is plural, because “a lot” is singular.

The “are” form of the verb “be” is plural.

So there is a mismatch in number between “are” (plural) and “a lot of cats” (singular).

Solutions:
“There is a lot of cats here.”
or
“There are lots of cats here.”

I saw this at Amazon.com.

Problem:
“Pair” is a singular noun being used incorrectly as a plural noun, and two commas are missing.

Explanation:
As I wrote last November, two of anything together is a single pair. Multiples of this means multiple pairs.

I continue to believe that use of “pair” instead of “pairs” helps to prove my “Devolution toward Simpler” linguistic hypothesis. It is simpler to say “pair” than to say “pairs”.

Beyond the “pair” problem, the product heading is missing a couple of commas.

“Gold” and “Angled” and “Spade” modify the noun “Connectors”; when one has multiple modifiers of a noun, commas should appear between the modifiers (in this case to get “Gold, Angled, Spade Connectors”).

I believe that omission of commas in a multiple-modifiers situation also is consistent with my “Devolution toward Simpler” hypothesis. It’s simpler to omit the commas than to include them, and advertising copywriters lean toward simpler text, even if it is grammatically incorrect and is more difficult to read.

Solution:
“Monster … Gold, Angled, Spade Connectors (2 Pairs)”

I heard this during a conference call.

Problem:
The number of the verb does not match the number of “a number of updates”.

Explanation:
The phrase “a number of updates” is singular (because “a number” is singular).

In contrast, the “were” form of the verb “be” is third-person plural.

The solution is to use the third-person singular form of the verb “be”.

I believe that the problematic sentence is an example of speakers and writers being distracted by the noun “updates”, which is plural and ends the sentence (and therefore tends to get more attention than does “a number”).

Solution:
“There was a number of updates.”

I saw a hilarious TV clip about why this is wrong.

Problem:
The number of the verb does not match the number of the subject.

Explanation:
The pronoun “none” means not one.

The pronoun “one” is singular and takes the third-person, singular form of “work”, which is “works”.

Seeing this, we get “Not one of them works.”

Converting “Not one” back to “None” gives us the solution.

I believe that the problematic sentence is an example of speakers and writers being distracted by the nearness of the verb to the pronoun “them”, which is plural.

Solution:
“None of them works.”

I saw this in a company presentation.

Problem:
“Pair” is a singular noun being used incorrectly as a plural noun.

Explanation:
Two of anything together is a single pair. Multiples of this means multiple pairs. Note, however, that if you were talking about the size of a cable, then it would be correct to say, “a 400-pair cable“; note the hyphen, which joins “400″ and “pair” to form a modifier of “cable”. Similarly, “a twenty-foot ladder” would be correct, and “twenty foot of ladder” would be incorrect.

I also believe that use of “pair” instead of “pairs” helps to prove my “Devolution toward Simpler” linguistic hypothesis. It is simpler to say “pair” than to say “pairs”.

Solution:
“400 Pairs of Copper Wiring“

I saw this as an article title in an employee newsletter.

Problems:
1. The verb in the title is wrong.
2. The verb should be capitalized.

Explanations:
1. The verb goes with “Making” and not with “Referrals”. You should not say, “Making bread are easy.” You should not say, “Making chocolate-chip cookies are easy.” It doesn’t matter what you are making; it’s the making that is easy. To test this, turn around “Making referrals are easy.” You should not say, “It are easy to make referals.” Instead, you should say, “It is easy to make referrals.”
2. Verbs in titles should be capitalized.

Solution:
“Making Referrals Is Easy”